I am a divorced mother of 4 adult kids and an 18 year old senior.  Not only did we do proms, but I've had 3 debutantes, that leaves prom expenses in the dust.  My senior had her prom last weekend.  She does not have a paying job, but I agree with the other mother that her job is to stay out of trouble, be respectful to others, don't drink, smoke, cheat, or sneak, keep her GPA up(she ranks in the top quarter of her class of 400, #73).  Last year she was a debutante.  My ex-husband and I split all expenses for our children down the middle.  Because my daughter doesn't have a boyfriend we also paid the expenses of the young man who excorted her.  My daughter does community services weekly, is active in the church, belongs to many organizations in her school, represents her school in State DECA competitions, and does photography whenever she's free.  I'm proud of her and how she strives for excellence.  She had a wonderful time at the prom with her two best friends and their dates.  We did not rent a limo.  My nephew (19yrs old), was one of the other girl's date, so I allowed him to drive my dodge durango which seats 7.  One of the other mother's had a professional photographer come to the house to do portaits before the group left.  We'll probably have a graduation celebration, also.  No we don't beg for scholarships, colleges are offering her scholarships to come to their school, she has accepted at the school of her first choice.  Is that spoiled? No! While some kids were outside playing, she was working toward this day.  To Joy, who is upset that her boyfriend's daughter is spending too much money.  Our daughters are not entitled to one penny of their dad's girlfriend's money.  And should be thankful for anything that she is gracious enough to give them.  But they have a right to anything that their father chooses to spend on them.  Girlfriends are not wives and should not govern what a father gives his daughter.

My daughter will be attending her schools prom next weekend. Unlike what I have heard about many other areas the kids here are not using limos or other frills. I'm in western NY which like every other area is hurting from the recession. Most of the stores here have cut the prices of gowns or they would not have had buyers. My daughters gown was 99.00 on sale at JC Penneys a store you can always count on. The dinner and prom is at the same venue a local community club (65 for a couple) and other than her nails (which she is paying for) she and many of her friends are doing there own hair and makeup. Many florist have specials for the flowers.

Saying all this, Proms and Senior balls are important to many kids. Should they be over the top no, but life should go on even during the most serious since the Great Depression which most of us were not here or were too young to really relate to.

She works hard both in school and in the community and spends at least two -three days a month delivering food snack packs from the foodbank on Friday afternoons to those in the community whom are hurting more than us.

Therefore, for just one special day, maybe just maybe she can have some fun, not worry about money or how to pay for college, or the fact that her dad just lost his job as an engineer.

Life goes by to fast and many kids are having to grow up very quickly. Let them enjoy and just be kids for one night.

My youngest is graduating this year...no prom, no friends or social life at all. What I wouldn't give, or pay, for the opportunity to make him feel like he belongs, like all the lucky young men and women attending their proms this year. He's smart, he knows what's going on but kids with developmental disabilities get rejected when they can't be up to speed with the crowd. This one's having a tough time, please, guys, understand, I don't want sympathy for this situation, just that you all are lucky to have the freedom to decide to spoil them silly or take a tough love approach. I wish I could. Good luck to all the grads, be careful and have an awesome time at your proms!!!!

I suppose my parents were lucky. When I was a Junior, I had no interest in the prom whatsoever. I didn't really care for any of the people I went to school with, much less wanting to see them when on my free time. I was in the top 1% of my class academically, was a cheerleader, and fairly popular. However, I always thought proms were silly and a waste of time: the bands were corny and the people were all there to either 1)get drunk and/or 2)make sure everyone saw that "oooo they could rent a limo". I actually avoided a couple of guys for several weeks to prevent them from asking me to the prom my junior year. Also, by the time the senior prom came around, I'd already graduated early (winter term) and was enrolled fulltime in college. I'd started it the summer between my Jr. and Sr. years of high school, so really, my senior year in HS was just me biding time until the graduation ceremony, taking college classes, the going full time in the spring.

Some people value their high school years and friendships, and for them, I say, go for it. Go to the proms and homecoming dances and everything else. I just couldn't see spending any more time with those people than I had to.

No more stretch limos and all-night partying. Kids will have to set priorities, like adults.

I am a junior in high school and can attest to this issue. As many have said our job is to get good grades, not work during the school year, but this does not account for our summers. Many of my friends and I work summer jobs to pay for our yearly expenses, which includes prom. Personally I realize that prom has become outrageously expensive and overdone, and will continue to do so, but that does not mean we are "spoiled brats". I work hard for the money I have, like many of you adults. So on top of an 8 hour school day, 2 hours of homework nightly, and charity work you think I can handle a second job? Could you handle a second job? Answer that honestly. I am not a "spoiled brat", in fact our generation has it nearly the hardest with the economy as it is and college applications at an all time high. So while on the morning of our prom may 8th when I am taking the AP history exam, I want all those who think we are "spoiled brats" to realize that those of us who want to succeed work as hard, if not harder for oppurtunities.

My daughter definately did some thinking about the cost. I was quite pleased to see her come home with a beautiful , borrowed dress. Her boyfriend is using a tuxedo that he normally wears for Band. The tickets,transportation are all they paid for. The parents are paying for the pictures. The discussion regarding cost and the need to be mindful of not going "overboard" as I believe as become the normal over the past seveal years was key to these decisions. My gift to my children is to pay for their education and for some fun things, however I also want my gift to be that they are aware of "paying" your way and not becoming dependent on credit.

My son made all A's through high school and he worked a part time job also.  He saved his money for months to take his girl to the prom.  He knew his parents couldn't help.  He has always been very responsible.  His girl got a dress from one of her older sisters and we made it over so as not to be recognized.  She did her own hair and makeup.  She was beautiful.  She had a single mom who could not help either.  Those two wonderful teenagers went to collage together and worked their way through themselves.  They never asked for a dime.  They both have bachelors degrees and are married.  They have great jobs and I am very proud of them.

I have taught at colleges for over 25 years, and so have some experience with college students and their parents. In my experience, the people who say that they want kids to enjoy being kids and that their son or daughter's job is to go to school continue this behavior in some form forever. The parents interfere with their education (they feel like they are "helping"), they interfere with their relationships ("helping" again), their job search and then their jobs. They are using these phrases to justify keeping their children dependent on them, for many reasons. The children of these people either do not grow into independent adults or they break off ties with their parents. Neither of these results is good. If I were one of these parents saying this, I would examine my actual motives and think about the idea that it is not my life I am trying to control and that I am not doing my child any favors keeping him or her from paying his or her own way and making his or her own mistakes.

I'm a senior girl in high school right now, and I'd also like to attest that not all kids are spoiled brats. I work very hard in school - I'm currently taking 2 AP classes and I'll have taken 3 AP tests this year by the end of next week (5 overall if you count last year). I've maintained a 3.85 GPA which will bump up to a 3.89 by the time I graduate due to my 4.0 this semester. I'm also in my school's elite auditioned choir, our auditioned musical theatre class, I'm active in my church and my religion class that I take at school, and busy with several other required classes at school. I have 2 or 3 hours of homework every night, along with rehearsals for choir and our musicals that often start at 6 A.M. or go after school until 8 P.M. With that schedule, I don't have time for a part-time job, but I got a full-ride scholarship for college. This helped my parents out a lot, as they have 6 more kids at home to take care of. Because I'm paying for my college through my full-time schoolwork JOB, they help me out by paying for some dance expenses. I try to be frugal, however, as I just got a dress for my senior prom that was on clearance rather than a $400 dress. My mom and sister usually do my hair and I do my own makeup and nails, and I wear nice shoes that either I already have or will wear for the next two years. I've never ridden in a limo, never spent more than $10 on a meal, and most of the guys I've gone to dances with wear their tuxes from choir or band. We do work hard, and we know how to spend money wisely. And did I mention I've thanked my parents for every penny they've spent on my dance expenses? They could back me up on this.

A prom just isn't that important. In the early 1970s, we went out to dinner and to the dance and then a picnic, but I really don't remember that much about it. It was fun, but my mind was already thinking about college and the future. And I have never seen 98% of the people I knew in high school again. I think one of the differences is that no one made that much of a fuss--not parents, not the school administration, not the kids. It was just a formal dance. And frankly, even at the time, none of us expected high school to be "the best time of our lives." We knew it was just a blip, and we were facing the Vietnam War and college or jobs or both.

Well I am one of those girls that never went to prom, I was asked, but did not go.  It was too expensive, even back in 1980.  I worked part time in high school and full time in college, I paid my own way.  I'm sure it would have been fun, but it was just not worth the money to me then.  This past weekend was prom in our town.  I followed a young friend as she got her hair done, by a family stylist so it was free, she wore a beautiful dress, she found in a second hand store, she took her photos at a firends lake property with her own digital camera.  She and her date were skipping dinner at the fancy restaurant and instead meeting more friends to take more photos at each others homes.  She and her date probably spent about $100 each, way less than her friends.  The schools could also save money, have the dances in the gym, instead of the local ballrooms or meeting centers.  There will always be excess, but you can cut cost and still have lots of fun.  Some of my young friends' other girlfriends traded dresses with girls at a different school.  If boys owned a nice black or dark grey dress suit for special occassions, weddings, funerals, interviews, they would not need a tux, just some spiffy accessories.  It is what you make it.

I'd say that, in general, it is up to parents to realistically evaluate their financial situations and fund their kids accordingly, but up to a certain point. If a family is going through tough times, it's selfish for a kid to ask those parents to pay for a prom. If parents are well-off, they could offer to PARTIALLY fund anything that can be considered as non-essential (ie. prom).

In general, kids should be paying full (or at least part) for anything which is non-essential (ie. car, movies, mp3 players, etc.). Wonder why kids so often lose their cellphones and mp3 players, and then have practically no interest in looking for it? They didn't experience the hard work it took to earn the money.

I'd say that if parents can afford it, they should get their kids in the working mindset at a very young age, and keep it going. For example, I had a paper route with my brother and sister from when I was in grade 6 until I got another part time job in grade 12. Only 6 hours/week, but it was still work. In similar ways, every kid should be working a part time job. For those kids under 16, you could give them chores to do for money (not something trivial like cleaning their room, but something relatively time consuming like vacuuming the house, weeding the garden, mowing lawn, shovel driveway, sealing driveway, etc.). By learning to work hard at a young age, kids will learn to manage their time effectively and most of the arguments of "my high school kid doesn't have time to have a part-time job" would quiet down.

ok i just went to my prom and had a great time and i payd for all of it...i dnt wear "designer name brand clothes" and i went in my own car so stop hating tht some parents are wnting their kids to go to prom and have a good time With friends...i only was able to go to prom for like an hour cuz my 9 month old daughter was at home...and when she gts old eniough SHE WILL GO tO PROM weither i pay for it or she does...

What I can gather from these postings is different areas of the country have extremely different expectations of high school proms. My older daughters attended a large suburban HS - approx 4000 students. Their proms are held in the decorated athletic center (gym) with a DJ and the tickets are reasonably priced. The committees have cut out most of the food (not eaten anyway). One daughter's group went to a parents' house for steak dinner as a group, the other to a restaurant (which was a pain). All of the parents meet at a park or other scenic locale for pre-prom photos. No limos or party buses, either. Both of the girls either shopped at discount retailers (<$40) or borrowed dresses...not wasting money on matching shoes, as they are the first thing to hit the coat check room. For the memories, we gladly paid the 'reasonable' prices, any frills - they paid themselves. It's all about compromise and staying within a budget we could afford....it's possible!

I have a daughter who is a senior this year, and the thing she most loves about her prom dress is that I found it in a 2ndhand shop for under $5! Add in a package of fabric dye to take it to the scarlet red she wants, and total cost of her gown was LESS than $10! I know she has bragged about it in school to the girls whose parents are dishing out hundreds....we live in a lakeside town where there are definitely 'haves' and 'have-nots.' We're in between, but the way she is proud of our frugailty makes me proud of her, and gives me hope that not all kids are the "gimme gimme" type.

Funny how it takes a bad economy before people start doing things different. They should have done that looooooong time ago.

i think this article goes either way.

if parents want to provide all the prom things for their kid

than thats them. my mom has 7 kids and isnt doing well right now

so i willingly used all of my past paychecks to pay for my ticket. dress. shoes.

earrings. makeup. everything. at well over 5 hundred dollars

and i had to drive myself and my date to prom because

i nearly didnt have enough to pay for a limo

i think its all a matter of the circumstances.

my mom i know porbably wishes she could have provided everything

i needed for MY night. and i know she probably feels bad that she wasnt able to

supply me with waht i needed like she did for my brother and sister

years ago. but i took the responsibilty of paying for everything myself

i surely could have sqeezed a hundred or so out of my mom for help.

but i know that it woul dhave taken away from more important things.

its all a matter of whether the money is there or not.

granted. i had the most amazing time at prom last weekend.

and everyone LOVED my 2oo$ dress . that i worked hard for

and i can proudly sayy i bought myself.

I grew up in a rural area near Lake Michigan. On a seven mile stretch of gavel road there were three families and four boys. Our family did not farm. The other two did. We boys helped on each other's farms, mostly without pay. We were into swimming, tobagganing, a little hunting but mostly electronics with a lot of time also spent on school work. After my father left, my mother kept a roof over our heads and clothes on our backs. What we ate depended on what I brought home from an after school job in town. I felt proud I could help take care of my family. We four boys all agreed we wanted to put off girls and all their drama for as long as we could. Prom we did not attend.

All four of us graduated from college. All of us have masters degrees. Three of us are electrical engineers and one is a bishop with a Congregatinal Church. Two of us spent time as military officers, one in the Army and one in the nuclear Navy. Two of us have been vice presidents, one of Motorola and one of RCA. One has been a college professor and had a book published a few years ago. All of us married and have children.

Now we read about Proms and kids in limos, lavish dinners, expensive admission tickets and after parties and hotel rooms. Pardon me ... but has Prom now become practice for a future wedding reception? This is their big teenage memory? Guess the drama queens really did win.

I don't really think the issue is whether a parent pays for anything for a child-it is in how that child receives it. Society pushes the idea on children that "things" are important. I was taught that it wasn't what I had but who I was that was important. Im in college and when I went to my highschool prom I didn't even ask if my mother would buy me a dress-not because I assumed she would say no but just because the idea to ask for an item like a dress didnt enter my head, a few weeks before my prom my mom said, "hey, I would like to go shopping and look at dresses today after ur done at work". I said ok, thanked her, and when I was at the store I made the effort to look at price tags and pick a dress that I liked that wasn't a million dollars because I respected that what my mom was doing for me was special and not something she had to do(buying a prom dress or not doesn't define you as a parent or make your children love you more or less) but something she wanted to do-it was something she choose to help me with and share with me and on prom night-even though I hate pictures and the like-i stood with a smile and without complaint for every picture she wanted to take. Do my parents still help me out-yeah they do but I dont ask and I dont expect. My car died on friday while I was driving to see my parents-when I got home I looked up the bus schedule to get a ride at the end of the weekend to school and then I went to work-I didnt expect anything and I didnt ask. On Saturday while I was at work I am told my dad is in the lobby, I go up front and he takes me in the parking lot to show me a used car from a local dealership and asks me what I think.............(I can tell you I really wasnt expecting that because times are tough for my family right now, my mom has cancer & we have alot of bills, thats why I go home every weekend to help).......I didnt say, "But daddy can I have a newer car or a shiny red car or a faster car or a cuter car"............ "I said its great dad, if you think its reliable and you can get a good deal, its wonderful"

All of people who are saying teens feel entitled to things, its because no one has taken the time to teach them what is important and what is just fluff.......choosing to buy your children things wont spoil or corrupt them if they have been taught that those things are not important, they are extra, they are fun, and they can bring a smile to your face(I know I loved my prom dress and it made me feel special) but in the end if you cant be happy without them, then you need to re-evaluate ur priorities.

Idaho, not speaking for everyone here I'd like to say as a parent of two daughters and a son. I'm sure no one here intends to imply all teens have this attitude. Nor do all parents have the same ideas on how to raise them. I do give respect where it is due you’re very much like my younger daughter. She’s very involved in school and advanced classes, the arts, and church. My older daughter was more like me, fought to get through school and had to work twice as hard. I feel the three of you were not handed everything on a silver platter, have applied yourselves and worked very hard to obtain your goals. My son however did not, he is learning the hard way that silver soon tarnishes and life isn't what he thought it would be. You should be very proud of yourself, and your parents for their support. Not everyone has been given these gifts, and it's hard to watch the suffering of those who haven't received them. I do think it's a shame that some parents believe it's better to be a child’s friend and want to give them everything at any price. Rather then be their parent and teach them through love and respect that there are consequences for actions, and things cost money and don't fall from trees. Congratulations on your scholar ship you have earned it.

My daughter and I went to a thrift shop, bought a dress for $3, had a local seamstress alter the dress for $20, dry cleaned the dress ($20), re-polished last years shoes, traded jewelry with a friend from another town, had fun doing her hair, nails, and make-up at home. When her date showed up and they left giggling and smiling I knew we had just raised one hell of a good kid. Right then being layed-off didn't seem so bad.

I think there is a comfortable medium. I've worked very hard since I was 16 to keep from being a financial burden on my parents, because money has always been tight. I put myself through college, I'm putting myself through grad school, I've always bought my own clothes, etc, and even paid for things like prom (which I spent less than $150 TOTAL on, and it was amazing!). I've even helped my parents out when things were tight on their end.

That being said, I dislike the attitude of some people whose comments have made me feel guilty for taking what little I have from my parents. Yes, I'm a 23 year old grad student who is currently living with my parents rent free. But that doesn't make me a bum and it doesn't mean my parents facilitate some sense of entitlement. It means that I made a financial decision not to throw money into a lease in bad economic times when I am a struggling waitress/student. And it means I have parents who want to do what they can because they care about me.

I feel like the parents here who pay everything for their kids are not giving them enough credit. I am currently a junior in college, and my parents have not given me money for it, not that they won't I just don't expect them to. You say a teens primary job is school, but thats fine. I went to high school played three sports 6 days a week, did at least 25 hours community service a week, and held a job. I paid for everything but meals ever since I was 16. I have a free ride to school because my grades were so good and because I did so many activities. I also pay my own rent in an apartmen. Its not impossible to work and do well inschool. Once they graduate they are going to be in complete shockand have no idea what the real world is like. Its not all easy and your main focus is not just one thing. You have to do many things that make your life function. Give your kids more credit, they can definately handle a job and school with all their activities and it wil actually make them more appealing to future employers.

It is easy to critisize this generation as a whole. I agree that there are some children, teens, young adults who think the world spins to their clocks. However, to say that this whole generation is a bunch of selfish spoiled brats who expect their parents to take the tab for evereything is offensive to me and others who do things differently. I am an 18 year old senior, and I have had a job since I was 16 and I am still graduating with honors. There was a blue moon when my parents had to spend a red cent on me for school or anything. I bought my own car, no, it wasnt a mustang or a current year car, but it was my car that I payed for myself and proud of. I will be attending prom in these next couple of days. I have payed for my hair, nails, tickets, makeup, and dress. I belive that parents need to discipline their children with the little thing called a belt and I agree that there are some parents who ALLOW their children to belive that the world should be handed to them, however there is nothing wrong with parents helping their child out along the way or doing a little something special for their child once in a while. Those who were saying that they didn't go to their prom and think it should be canceled, I say to them you are suposed to be grown and you need to grow up and get over the fact that you did not go. Just because you did not go does not mean that you should rob seniors and upcoming seniors of their memories, and there are those who worked hard to get where they are. Stop putting down the youth and uplift them. Be apart of a positive movement instead of a negative one in our communities.