You're right Sue. Teens think that prom is something they're entitled to go to, on the parent's tab. Granted, I didn't pay for everything for my senior prom, but I absolutely had to pitch in.

My son just went to the prom and I was more than happy to pay for it. My children have a job and that is to get good grades. You only live once and have the rest of your life to pay bills. Let kids be kids and enjoy their young years without the stress of the economy any more than they have to. I completely understand that times are hard right now and they certainly aren't getting any better for myself right now, but my kids deserve it.

Right there with you ! I was old enough to pay for my tickets ect. and did. I didn't take a limo and it was at the Queen Mary in Long Beach, California it was nice but not a rip off. Kids expect way to much and it's the hand it to me generation and just what Obumble needs to shape the minds of the young into submission that socialism is best.

As a current high school senior, I have to disagree with that one a little. Sure, some teens ride on Mommy and Daddy's apron strings, but a lot of us do indeed pay for our own social lives. Including prom. My parents didn't pay a cent for my junior or senior prom. That all come from money I made on my own.

I think it can be both ways. My parents paid for my proms and dances in high school. My prom dress ended up costing $30 from Dilliard's! It just happened to be the perfect dress, although my mom would have paid more. My parents always said my first job was to go to school and do well. They have and do still pay for things in my life, and I have enjoyed their success but by no means am I a spoiled brat. (BTW, I have always worked a side job.) As a graduating college senior, I know that in the next few months my parents will hand over those responsibilities. Any further schooling is on me. My wedding is on me. My car is on me. If I chose to move out, it's on me. My education was provided, but I know the value of hard work and have given up alot to be in my position as well. I think it's less about what the parents "hand over" and more about the values they instill in their children.

Right on. I could not have said that any better myself. Kids are spoiled and parents are not taking the responsibility to teach kids the true value of money and how long it takes to work to get the things they think they "need". Money does not grow on trees and parents need to realize this as well as tell thier children and show their children this. It's not okay to max out your credit cards just to make your kids feel special or important. Period.

i think all of you guys got it wrong i have paid for everything that i have ever wanted in life. and i dont think that its so much the kids faults i think its the parents mostly because whose actually giving into paying for it. kids asks for things because thats what kids do but the parents are the ones who are doing it. im pretty sure if the kids had to find a way to pay for it without using there parents then they would!!

Kate...

You are just fueling everybody's point. You are still in college and expect your parent to pay for everything!! What is your side job for - to pay for the parties that your parents do not know about. "If I chose to move out,"??? Hello, you are a senior in college and still living off mommy and daddy - what a spoiled life your lead!!!

Kate I like your parent's ideas, and I agree with you.

I have 2 beautiful daughters who know the value of hard work, (I have received compliments on their work ethics from their employers and their teachers) but I do buy things for them, and have paid for all or part of their prom dresses. We made a deal--if I pay for all of it it would have to be on my budget. If they wanted an expensive dress, they would have to come up with the money for part of it. As far as them being spoiled, maybe some, but they make good grades, have good values, don't get into trouble, and I feel that that should be rewarded. They both have part time jobs, and go to school, one is a Senior in High School, and the other is about to get her Associate's degree in Accounting. My husband and I have agreed to pay for their car insurance, and medical bills, etc. until they graduate from college. In the meantime, we still expect them to get good grades, and stay out of trouble. Also, we have taught them that there are consequences to their actions. When they got a speeding ticket, they each had to come up with the money on their own to pay for it and take a class to keep it from going on their record. They are not perfect kids, but they know that we love them and that we will reward good behavior and that there is a consequence to bad behavior.

I would have to disagree with you Sue. It's always natural for one generation to criticize the next. I'm sure your parents thought the same about your generation, and their parents thought the same about their generation and so on. Some people like me are too engrossed in their studies to be able to have a job at the same time. If I had a job during the school year, there is no way I would be able to do the same quality work or even the same amount of work and my grades would definatly suffer. I think it's better to allow the younger generation to focus on immediate things such as education and just enjoying their time as kids. You're only a kid once. The main problem with this generation is that most parents aren't supporting their kids education at all. I've gotten lucky and have parents who push me hard, and I'll admit, if I didn't have them on me all the time, I definatly wouldn't do as good in school.

My granddaughter has worn Goodwill Dresses for each prom or winter formal. This year she got a brand new dress from a woman who has been collecting them from all over and she gives them away to girls who can't afford new ones. She looked terrific. I could buy her new prom dresses but she doesn't ask me. She is only 15. The 2 couples went out to a restaurant and the two girls split one dinner in half. If the kids want to go bad enough they will figure it out.

BRTT, your attitude toward your kids is a prime example of why many in his generation are viewed as selfish and unprepared for going out into the workforce.  I graduated high school in 1999, and currently train people who are just getting out of high school.  It has been a real problem finding employees who don't have an overdevelopped sense of entitlement and unrealistic expectations.  How else should they act, when their parents tell them that their "job" is getting good grades and that they are "worth" having their prom paid for.  Give kids more credit, most can handle a part-time job and get excellent grades, and many can do more than that and stay sane.  If they have a taste of the real world when they still have the safety net of living in their parent's home, they will be better prepared to take on responsibility later in life and not become overwhelmed and depressed by the realities of life.

BRITT, well said! My daughter's job is school! Let them be kids, she doesn't think she in entitled to anything. Many of these kids are active in many activites outside of school, band alone can account for over 10 hours of after school activity. Her day often begins at 7am, two hours before school starts.

However, in the summer she is expected to have a job, pay her gas, insurance, spending money and save for the school year when she doesn't have a job.

I'm with Britt - my kids getting good grades is their job, although my son is working part time. We saved for their education, and my dad even set them up a 529 (although it's worth 1/2 of last year's value).

My kids have been busy and active at school - and we can afford to provide extras. In fact, I donate hundreds of dollars every year for kids at the high school that need "scholarships" to do activities, in addition to my time. When they get out of college then they can worry about their own bills, etc. - they are aware and grateful of what they get to do.

As a sophomore in college I agree with Kate and Britt. I worked in high school and now but only in the summers but during the school year school was my only focus. From 8-3:30 everyday I had class then after school I had 4-5 hrs of band/ week, 2-3 hrs of twirling, 5 hrs of mock trial, volunteer work, key club, stu co, and homework. If I had had a job I would not have been able to earn near the scholarships I have for college so my parents support was actually an investment. Some older people don't realize how much more things cost today than they used to. In the 70's a person could work 40 hrs/ week and make around 107% of the poverty level, by the 90's this had shrunk to 72%. On top of that the price of tuition has swelled greatly with the rising necessity of higher education. A student cannot graduate in a reasonable amount of time without scholarships or parental support because they simply cannot afford it. My parents have paid for everything I've ever needed but haven't been able to afford all the luxuries they would have liked to have given us but I do earn what I'm given and pay for an increasing number of things on my own. I do agree that some kids feel a since of entitlement and can be very selfish but as a child who has been supported her entire life I resent being classified among them because I feel that my parents worked hard to raise me with values. Drp.. I fail to see how kate is fueling everyone's point with her side job. Yes extra money can be helpful for fun things your parents may not want to buy you but it is also necessary for savings. Without savings you are on your bum when your parents stop paying for things because you can't even get a loan without them cosigning in this economy.

im 18 and i had to pay for my junior prom. my mom helped with some of the little things of course but most of it came out of my pocket which made me feel a little more responsible and grown up because i had saved up for something that actually meant something. for senior prom, however, i cant afford because they cut a lot of my hours at my job. it really sucks but at the same time i wouldnt pay for it if i did have the money because things are tight as it is with the economy the way it is and my parents dont pay for my vehicle anymore. going on to what BRITT said, i have an actual paying job and i have good grades. im top of my class graduating with an honors diploma even though i work 5 days a week late at night. having a job really has nothing to do with getting good or bad grades, its the time management skills and effort that are needed to do well. my family has always barely gotten by, but somehow i managed to save up enough money for myself for college plus scholarships and such

Definately going to have to agree with you. Sheesh, my junior prom we made all the setups ourselves! Construction, ballons, that frilly paper stuff... And I thought it was awecome because we spent MAYBE $300! The stuff I hear goin on nowadays is ridiculous... I mean, I obviously lack the same point of view because I can't see what's so great about it. All in all, cutting back wouldn't be too bad of an idea in my opinion...

I don't think it's unreasonable to expect kids to at least make a healthy contribution to paying for such expenses. If they want it bad enough they will. If they don't, then why are parents shelling all this money out in the first place? I agree that generally speaking we are raising a couple of generations of spoiled rotten kids with a huge sense of entitlement and absolutely no sense of accountability or responsibilty. And I also agree with others that over spending on our children contributed to the over-all credit/financial crisis so many people have found themselves in.

Now days, college is as important if not more important than high school.  Kate's parents realize this and have helped her start the beginning of a successful life.  Many parents do this now days because 1. a teenager cannot afford to pay for college right out of highschool and all of the expenses that come with it. 2. If a student takes out loans then they could end up being over 60,000 dollars in debt.  3.  If parents do this for their children then they will most likely be taken care of once the children make money for their own.  As a parent, you are supposed to care for your children no matter what age the child is.  Granted, I do not agree with children living with their parents while not going to college, having no job, and taking all the money from their parents.  Yes, that is a problem.  But for you to judge someone who has got a college education because her parents want her to succeed is ridiculous.  You are probably one of those parents who send their kids on thier way after they graduate highschool and expect them to do everything themselves.  Horrible.

I do not think it is "horrible" to expect your kids to pay for things once they are adults, you know, when they are 18 and out of college.

Most of the kids I went to school with and (now the kids of my friends) fall in basically two groups: the ones that had college and all expenses paid for by their parents, and ones that had to take out their own loans and help with expenses. The ones that had to help took college more seriously because they had to contribute, it was their money. The ones that had a free ride, took nothing seriously and wasted a good opportunity.

I think there has to be a balance of helping your kids and teaching them to help themselves. One place to start is high school. The parent could pay for the necessities such as books, class expenses, etc even sports and the student would pay for dances, trips, and their general spending money.

And also, I see nothing wrong with a young person living at home after college. If they are working and contributing to the household, there is no reason they have to move out. This would be a great opportunity for them to keep expenses low and save up for a newer car, a down payment for a house, paying down student loans. They could start adulthood with financial responsibility instead of in huge debt, living paycheck to paycheck and relying on credit cards like so many adults are now.

Actually, I'm not fueling your thoughts. I don't EXPECT my parents to pay for things, but this is how it is. I work almost 40 hours a week (and have for the last year and half) at unpaid internships furthering my career. I am know getting paid and I have begun to pay some of my own expenses. I gave up the parties and fun my senior year so that I could get ahead in the job market and it's paying off. I'm already beyond the entry level position and I've worked very hard to get there. Yes, my parents paid for me to go to college, but I would have gone no matter what. I understand and acknowledge that I am privileged, but in my house it's no expectation. I'm grateful my parents can provide for me and the hope is that someday I'll be able to support myself in the lifestyle I have become used to. I know that in the next few weeks and months, the bills will fall on my hands, but I am prepared for that. I don't live off my parents for free and they see the hard work I put into my education (which BTW I received a scholarship) and work. It's a family decision and by no means does it make me a spoiled brat because I didn't struggle to pay for my education.

When you have 26 kids in one of those Hummer Limos it isn't that much. It is a lot safer than 13 cars on the road. My daughter just went to prom last weekend and I was more than happy to chip in for the limo. She did not feel entitled to it (or anything else) in fact she was surprised the parents recomended the limo

Perhaps when you have 26 kids in one Hummer limo it is that much 1. hormones 2. drinking 3. showing off 4. one upmanship 5. being irresponsible etc.

Many kids in this country are spoiled by their parents who are overcompensating for their lack of personal involvement in their latchkey children's lives while they work overtime and two jobs etc imo.

There are parents who can't pay their bills like mortgage etc yet want their child to have something to remember. LOL How about the child or children remembering and appreciating that they still have a roof over their heads and food etc. for more than a night?

You can't live through your children on prom night. After the money is spent it is gone.

Perhaps it is time that schools stop these proms. I am not sure this sort of thing happens anywhere else in the world except in this country. LOL

Well said.

I never went to any proms because I could never afford to go, nor could my parents. I never got to have a car because no one would help me with the costs, and now I can't find a decent job without a reliable source of transportation. But it sickens me that parents treat their kids like spoiled brats. Sure, you gotta have fun in life, but if it's between paying for food and blowing thousands of dollars on one night of fun, I think being able to survive is more important.

A parent paid $2000 for tickets to the Miley Cyrus concert for her tween, can anyone imagine that?. LOL

That makes one wonders why anyone would do something like that, when it would have been better if the money had been used to invest in say Pepsi, GE or some blue chip stock instead, as the stock market goes down but then it does come back in the end by time the child grows up. LOL

Cyrus has gotten richer and the parent is out 2 thousand dollars and for what? Hmmmmm LOL

No wonder that some kids go off to college and end up running up credit card debt for foolishness, not even for books, tuition or other necessities. How many parents have financed spring break for their kids while denying themselves things that they need and even a vacation for themselves.

If you watch programs like House hunters, Property virgin etc you see the same thing over and over again as some spoilt young person or persons buying homes that are to large or too expensive and not wanting to compromise and buy something that they can actually afford. LOL Just because a person qualifies for a 300 thousand dollar loan does not mean you go to that amount or above that. It would be more prudent if these buyers actually looked for houses at about 200 thousand dollars, but no they want the house with everything in it, like the granite counters, stainless steel appliances and room to entertain, just because that is the way they were raised to be financially irresponsible.

For example 'poor' people were blamed for the implosion of the housing market, when I doubt that they would even qualify in the first place to buy a non FHA home, thus I wouldn't be surprised if the realestate market implosion was aided by some of these irresponsible folks who wanted everything yet putting down very little to no down payment because they are used to getting everything they want by someone else (like parents)paying their way all their lives. LOL

Many countries do not have school proms. It appears to be strictly American imo.

Either your not a parent or your a horrible one.

It makes sense though. That's the way I was raised. "If you want it that bad, save you're money!" One of the best lessons I've learned in life and I love my parents for that.

I never went to the prom because it is overblown.

I also had to pay for my own car, my own insurance and all of my social fun. My parents told me if I wanted a car, I had to buy it and keep it up - so I did. I also got good grades - I graduated with an A average.

Kids can be kids, but that doesn't mean they need a $600 dress, a stretched limo and a hotel room.

I agree, let the kid pay. maybe when they see their own savings account depleting they will take a better look at what they really want to spend their money on.

My kids spend a lot less money when its coming out of their own pockets. Just common sense. Does not make us horrible parents it makes them financially responsible.

Indiana resident your response is negative and actually incorrect.

The truth is that working over 15 hours a week in college makes your GPA drop steadily between .3 and .8 percent (.3 being 16 hours .8 being 40). That turns a 3.5, which is cum laude graduating with honors into a 3.2-2.7! I absolutely believe that parents should do the best they can to pay for ALL of thier kids expenses in college, except for:

things like movie tickets, unescessary shopping, going out to to dinner, dates, bar tabs (if they are 21 of course) and other forms of entertainment.

I make 75 dollars a week and I have to pay for all of those things above including gas (because my school has a bus to take me from my apartment to the univeristy). However, my parents pay for my tuition, my rent, my bills, such as medical, car, and groceries.

I am not SPOILED I have a gpa of 3.65 with a major in rhetorical studies and a minor in poltical science and spanish. I got straight As in high school, got a 1450 on my SATS and was NEVER allowed to work during the school year, only in the summertime. I graduated in the top 3 percent of my class and lettered in 4 varsity sports.

I do NOT take my education for granted and having school paid for does not mean you don't take it seriously. Some parents, like mine, teach us to value education both by how the raised us and then lead by their own example. My mom has a B.A. in Biology and Biochemistry, a Masters in Social Work, and a PhD in Sociology. My father has a B.A. in History, a Masters in Government, and a Law Degree. My parent have 6 degrees between them and lead by THAT example.

Whether or not you pay for your kids college does NOT teach them to or not to value education. Kids value education because YOU are educated and YOU made it a priority, not because you did or did not pay for it. Some kids do get everything paid for and are spoiled, then some kids are like me and believe that education develops social, cultural, econimic, poltical and intellecutal growth necessary for a happy healthy and sucessful future and make it our number one priority.

Then some kids pay for their own school and value it very much because they pay for it. But also some kids who pay for their own college put it lower on their priority list because work comes first if they have to pay for it. They often learn less because of the stress of a work week plus 30 hours a week of class and studying and are more likely to view their education as a "peice of paper" they need to advance in the workforce, and study less and slip by with Cs and Bs.

THink about what you say and get your facts straight. Kids who work their way through college have less time to study, and often learn LESS.

You have the attitude. I am with you on this all the way.

This is why I donate money to kids at our school, great kids like yours, and sometimes, things are tight. Our school (like many) also organizes a free prom dress night - people donate gently used dresses, and girls that wish to can come pick one out for free.

Shelley, we are neighbors in spirit, if not otherwise. I saved pop bottle deposits and recycled paper, cardboard and plastic at 0.15 cents per pound to get my daughter to the prom this year. She only had one friend who was working--at a video store--and that went out of business last week. All other jobs around here are filled by adults who are supporting families, our unemployment is about 15 percent. I didn't go to a prom, back then the guys had to ask the girls. Glad to see it's different, my senior asked a junior guy to be her date, they will have a great time on a shoestring. Another girl who is going dateless by choice will be taking the happy couple to the prom with her in her mom's minivan. The people who go cheap are going to have the best memories, and the most money to spend on books in a few months.

momof07 and texas republican, i agree with you all the way. if parents choose to pay for their childrens' prom it is not a bad thing. if parents choose to make their kids pay for it themselves this also is not a bad thing. the key is for the family to work together.

My daughter just attended her 1st prom last week. I've been unemployed (not by choice) for almost a year. She realized very early that the only way she'd be able to attend was to save and pay for it on her own. Therefore, she's been saving her money (birthday/christmas presents; and earned money working on the family farm) and spent under under 100.00 by being budgetting & closely watching for sales:

15.00 -- gently used prom dress; 2.00 shoes (on sale); 5.00 necklace & earrings (on sale); she did her own nails; enjoyed the morning leizurely at home having me do her hair and makeup; she & her date opted out of the flower swapping; he opted out of the tux and borrowed a nice suite; they travelled with friends in a borrowed car (helped w/gas). With the money they saved they went dutch to a nice, local establishment that offered specials to prom attendants .

They received as many compliments as those who spent $100's and according to her they were able to enjoy themselves more because they weren't worrying about messing up expensive clothes, hairdo and nails.

I'm very proud to say I've raised very frugal daughter; and her younger brother is taking lessons.

I tend to agree with Texas Republican, I want to do what I can to help my teens enjoy their high school experience. Toward that end, I always pay for all expenses related to my girls marching band experience, and will help out on anything else I can afford to help. Clear last fall, my daughter chose the dress she wanted to wear for prom. Of course the $450. price tag about made me sick, so since she works full time, and I am a fairly good seamstress, we finally decided she would buy the material and I would make the dress for her special day. No matter what else she remembers about this prom, she will alway remember that her mother came through for her! That's what makes these events so special!

Great to hear that you were able to get the necklace for your daughter on sale. "on sale" is always better.

Sue1084112..not all kids are spoiled brats because their parents pay for the prom.

My kids are good kids (not that they haven't tested us) the 4 that have graduated have gone onto collage..1 son is a lawyer and 1 daughter is about to go on to med school, other 2 are still in school and plan on furthering their education. Our kids only get to experience these things 1 time in their lives.

Shelley Young..thank you for agreeing

Texas Republican, you couldn't have said it better. My kids also have those things NOT because they asked but because I wanted to give it to them. They haven't asked for a thing and are often surprised when I give them these things.

BTW, I'm a Texas Dem. glad we can agree :-)

Texas Repub - well said! And cell phones I have dubbed the "electronic leash", because really, that's what I use them for. My kids have cars for MY convenience, not theirs - it would be the last thing I'd pull to punish them - it is punishing me to have to drive them about, wait here and there, etc. Luckily, while not perfect, my kids rarely give me cause to want to ground them. I have had the company turn off my daughter's phone service a couple of times - she straightened up REALLY quick. She asked me to chaperone her last 2 school trips, the other kids know I'm a fair person, non-judgemental.

I'm glad you could get your daughter a special item! I hope something comes up for her senior year, that I can get her a special gift. (She keeps saying cruise, but she can forget that - unless it's for a honeymoon some day, lol.)

Amen Texas Republican:

My child is special to me. Do I want him to go to prom? You bet. I want the photos, the memories and I want him to have them later if he chooses.

I am not living experiences through my child because I went to prom and had a fantastic time. I do not want him to feel left out because other people think I am creating a "spoiled brat".

hey, if that's your attitude- want to adopt me?? I could use a free ride

That is a great idea! When I was in high school, way back when, prom was at the high school gym, decorated by the Junior Class - with pride. My prom theme? Yellow Brick Road - oh brother, that was over 30 years ago! Here, I was surprised that the kids go to a hotel ballroom, but that is what they do.

We would love to have the Prom in the gym, but it can't be done because of numbers. I am expecting 650 students at our Prom next weekend, and that requires 65 tables. Our fire marshal won't let us pack that many in, so we have to look for an outside venue. Many of our high schools are just so large these days...

My word where do you live? My daughter just went to her first prom tickets were $36 for the couple (they got a discount because of her gpa, regular price was $40) Tux rental was about $75, dress was borrowed, shoes on clearance were $10, his dad drove, boutineer was $7.50 and corsage was $14. Neclace was $2.50 also on clearance, I did hair and makeup. And they spent less than $30 on dinner (granted they didn't go to a real 'fancy' place, they didn't want to). Biggest expense was pictures and I spent $60.

But I do know of several girls who payed $500+ for their dresses and I know the one my daughter wore was at minimum that much when purchased. Would I spend that much? Most likely not, there's too many options, borrow, clearance racks, consignment, etc. And there were no limo's at her prom.

I do know when I went to my last prom in '76 it was held in the school gym, my dress was under $100, which I paid for, we did go to a nice restaurant. And he drove his parents car. We also agreed no drinking, etc. We wanted to actually remember our prom and to have a good time.

Have proms gotten out of hand? Maybe when we look back on what we had. But each generation does their own thing, eventually it may go back, or who knows die out.

But this thread was suppose to be about what is your community/school/ or you personally doing about prom and the costs typically associated with it. Instead it devolved into today's teens are selfish spoiled brats who do not know how to make their way in the world, are entitiled, and on and on. Yes some are, some aren't and some are in the middle. But that's NOT what the topic of this thread. A lot of people got off topic and then we have people defending themselves and others dumping on teens even more.

Let's get back on topic.

Unfortunately, this attitude is prevalent. I feel sorry for these kids. They are being set up for a mighty fall. The parent's should be ashamed of themselves.

Thats southern california for you. THats why they are in financial messes- in order to keep up with the Jones and not be satisfied living within their means!!!! 

i grew up in Huntington Beach (southern cali) and so does my kids. I knew better than to drink and so do my kids. We know that they may try it BUT they know that if they get caught, drive or get in car with someone who has been all will be lost. My husband and I will not tolerate under age drinking SO please do not label everyone from southern cali.

no doubt the girls were lined up for you for those friday nights.....who could resist an offer like that?

Gee, dan-282760, how many sex offender lists are you on?

Its not so much that people dont want their kids to have a good time, its the crazy costs that are associated with these events and who should pay for them. Senior prom is right before graduation-another expense- which is just a few short months before college-an even bigger expense. It just doesnt make sense to spend so much on prom 'for the memories' when there is so much money needed for upcoming things. Kudos to the ones that can go to prom on the cheap and still have fun, we arent wanting to keep the kids from having fun. But it would be nice for them to learn you can have fun without a big expense

btw I went to three proms in hs and barely remember them. i also have a class ring....somewhere, barely worn and senior pics that were given to everyone i knew, that are no longer displayed, replaced by pics of me with my kids. maybe we should reevaluate what will give us the 'memories of a lifetime'. my best memories of hs involve the awards I earned in my extracurricular activities, not the times I wore an overpriced dress.